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Hi.

Welcome to Be the Sunshinee!

I hope you’ll stay awhile!

This Thing Called Grief

Grief can come in many forms for many different reasons

 When I think of grief I think of goodbyes

 The ones that you say to your bestfriends from grade school as you all go off to separate colleges

 The ones you say to your childhood pets as you come and go around the holidays

 When people choose to walk out of your life, sometimes not even offering a goodbye

 When people die, unexpectedly or not, and you don’t have the option to say goodbye

When you end a relationship, whether it be romantic or friendly and you don’t want to say goodbye

Or when someone ends a relationship with you and you’re forced to say goodbye

Even if you know grief is coming, you really don’t know how it’s going to show up

It’s not very polite 

It does not knock on your door, no earlier than 10am, waiting for your pearly whites to open the door and greet it with open arms saying, “ah, I’ve been waiting for you.”

It does not schedule an appointment three weeks in advance so you have time to prepare or make sure you have room for it in your busy schedule called life

 No

Grief is definitely a big ass bitch

 Grief shows up dressed in black, sometimes at 3am in the middle of your slumber and sometimes at 3pm in the middle of your staff meeting

 Grief does not give you a heads up because grief doesn’t want to be avoided and it doesn’t care if you have yoga today or not because it’s coming anyway

Grief comes in waves, usually when you least expect it and definitely when it’s least wanted

Grief is funny like that, comical in a way

 Grief doesn’t give a shit, has no respect for personal boundaries

 Grief barges in whether it’s welcome or not, and usually it’s not

 But grief also leaves without notice

 Little by little

 And it may take days or weeks or even years for grief to subside

 But eventually it does

 Grief packs up its bags in the middle of the night and slips out the door

 This time quietly, so quiet you won’t even notice it’s left 

 Until one day you realize it’s been a long time since you’ve been sad

 Until you realize it’s almost 8pm and you forgot today would’ve been your 6 year anniversary 

 Until you realize it’s almost 8pm and today would’ve been your 6 year anniversary but you don’t care 

Because grief has come and grief has gone

So you tidy up your kitchen, you wash yesterday out of your hair, and you go to sleep 

Grief no longer has a place here. 

A Letter to the Love Who Kept Me From Loving Myself

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