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Hi.

Welcome to Be the Sunshinee!

I hope you’ll stay awhile!

Bipolar Love

Bipolar love is not love

It’s toxic and unhealthy

A disease 

A disease that ate away at my happiness with each hateful conversation 

Or lack there of 

 I continued to feed you without realizing I was starving myself in the process 

And when my pelvis began to poke through my clothing I still insisted that I was full 

 Satisfied 

 I fooled myself into believing that disappointment was my new favorite food 

That I loved the taste of walking on egg shells in my own home 

 Eventually my taste buds began to disappear and everything in my life turned bland

 I put on a masquerade and played the part of a happy girlfriend 

 Until I could no longer trick myself into believing I was happy

I knew I could not spend the rest of my life on stage 

 Dolled up in make-up and a costume so tight it was stealing the breath from my lungs with each line 

 So I powered off the stage lights, shut down the show, and hung the “Sorry, we’re closed.” sign on the window of our relationship 

 Three and a half years is a long time to spend with someone and it can be hard to close such a significant chapter 

 I always imagined this ending would be mournful 

 And it was

 But not in the way I expected

Instead,

I mourn for the lively girl I once was

 I mourn for the infectious laughter I once shared with the world 

 I mourn for the ordinary Saturday mornings that felt like anything but simply because the sun greeted me with gratitude 

The girl I once was is not coming back

 And that’s okay

I am taking the lessons learned and moving forward with grace

 Smiling back at the sun

Saying, “Thank you for waking me up”.

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